I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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