just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
