dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
