repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
