do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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