Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I feel like death gave me a hand job
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize