hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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