i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Randomize
