Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
