I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
