Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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