She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
