No stitches, just platelets and will power
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
