i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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