I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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