Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
