She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
