Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I smell stomach acid.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
