dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
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