Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize