Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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