I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
