i jhust puked up my retainher.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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