People with herpes should wear stickers.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
