Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
