Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
