We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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