Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
