a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
