I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
