My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
