She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Randomize
