I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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