he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize