Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
