just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
