the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
