I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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