I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
porn star boner night. come get it.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
