I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
