we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
