you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
