I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
