i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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