Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
