Define "chronic" masturbator.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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