I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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