Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
