hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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