There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
