Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
