from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize