At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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