do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
