Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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