If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
