i just had sex bonerless
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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