yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
