Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
