I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
