I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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