just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
