I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
