Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize