yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
