He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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