Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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