Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
