you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
