you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
