You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
